Breaking Free: Conquering Imposter Syndrome, People-Pleasing, and FOCUS™ on Self
October 7, 2024 · Tyesha West
✨ You owe yourself the love that you so freely give to others. – Unknown✨
Landing the Job and the Inner Critics
When I started this school year as a substitute teacher, it was all for my son — to be close to him, to advocate for him, and to ease our transition into a new area. But as the year went on, I realized this job opened doors to something bigger than I had anticipated.
Still, imposter syndrome came crashing in once I applied for the full-time position. Imposter syndrome is the nagging belief that you don’t deserve your accomplishments, despite evidence to the contrary. It's the fear of being "found out," like you're fooling the world, and any moment someone will pull the rug from under you.
When I went into the hiring director’s office, I trained myself to expect disappointment. My inner thoughts raced: Why would they choose me for a role that aligns with my future goals? I was dizzy with anticipation, my heart pounding as my brain rehearsed a gracious “thank you anyway” speech.
Imagine my surprise when the director, in what felt like the longest-winded way possible, told me I got the job. Words like “perfect fit” and “great addition” flowed, but I don’t remember much else. I walked out feeling guilty and excited all at once. The joy lasted me for a whole lunch hour until my inner critics showed up and did what they do best: critiquing.
Imposter Syndrome Questions: The Inner Critics' Playlist
These are the thoughts that began swirling in my head:
“What if you’re just fooling everyone?”
“You’re going to let these kids down.”
“What if they find out you don’t know what you’re doing?”
“You’re not qualified enough for this role.”
“Why would they choose you when there are so many better candidates?”
“You don’t belong here.”
I was immediately overwhelmed by doubt, second-guessing every step I’d taken and questioning whether I was even capable of stepping into this new role.
Inner critics are those negative thoughts that surface when you’re feeling insecure or vulnerable. They point out your perceived flaws, amplify self-doubt, and try to convince you that you're not good enough. Left unchecked, these critics can lead to self-sabotage and prevent you from taking on opportunities or embracing your full potential.
A Turning Point — My Sister’s Voice
Amid all the noise in my head, I heard the voice of my sister, who has always been my compass when I'm lost in self-doubt. “You have to fight back when your inner critics attack,” she’d say. Her voice echoed: Counteract every negative with a positive.
When the imposter thoughts hit, I felt my chest tighten, like a weight pressing down on my confidence. It's a short road from imposter syndrome to depression and destruction. I was slowly walking back into “the cycle.” But hearing my sister's voice in my head felt like a hand pulling me back from the ledge, reminding me of my own power. I couldn't let those imposter thoughts steal my moment. I love my sister, and I've relied on her support more than I can count. Her belief in me was the nudge I needed to believe in myself.
And so, I began to turn the tide of self-doubt into self-affirmation, countering each fear with strength and reminding myself of all the reasons I was capable and worthy. I’ve used the FOCUS™ method many times in my own life. It usually comes to mind when I feel stuck, like there's no way over or through what’s on my plate. Most recently, I used it to apply for this job.
The FOCUS™ Method in Action: Applying for the Job
I used FOCUS™ to figure out why I was applying for the position and what benefits it would have toward my long-term goals. Once I knew that, I was able to make the decision (which means, literally, to "kill off all other options") that I was going to apply and that I could do this.
I concentrated on updating my resume and cover letter, making sure they accurately reflected my skills and experiences. I also spoke to others about the realities of the position, to understand both its challenges and its opportunities. I set a conscious boundary to allow myself grace and to hold onto confidence when I turned in my application. During the interview, I was honest about what I wanted from the position and what I could bring to it. I walked away reminding myself that I had a real chance of getting what I wanted. And as things continued to move forward, it felt like everything was going well.
Reflection: Do You See Yourself Here?
Do any of these traits resonate with you? Take a moment to reflect on a recent experience where you felt overwhelmed by self-doubt or the need to please others. What did it look like? How did it make you feel?
People-Pleasing: When You Forget to Please Yourself
I once had a friendship that was as toxic as it was long-standing. From the beginning, I convinced myself that this person was smarter, more interesting, and had more potential to reach their dreams than I did. I felt like I needed to stay close to this person to ensure my own success — like somehow, riding their coattails would take me to places I couldn’t go on my own.
But there were red flags, constant warnings from others, and "one-offs" that were clear signs to let go. I ignored them all. I allowed myself to be intellectually bullied, playing the role of the doormat in the name of friendship. I was losing myself, buried under their shadow while also battling my mental health issues.
One day, in a moment of clarity — thanks to medication and a particularly nasty argument — I finally saw the chains for what they were. This friend drained my energy, and I realized they would continue to do so as long as I stayed in their shadow. The moment I let go of the shackles, knowing I gave everything to this friendship at the expense of other relationships, was the moment other goals, once out of reach, started to come to me.
Sometimes people are just meant to be chapters in your story — not the main character of your book.
Recognizing My Worth: Credentials & Experience
Over time, I learned to appreciate what I bring to the table:
I have a degree and have been working in various roles within school systems for over 5 years.
I build strong relationships with students and have excellent communication skills.
My passion for equity and inclusion fuels my work, and I am a committed advocate for underserved communities.
I excel at relationship-building and management, using these skills to foster safe, inclusive environments for learning and growth.
Cultivating Self-Appreciation: Embracing My Strengths
In the past, self-appreciation was something I struggled with. It was easier to find flaws than to celebrate my wins. Every time I reached a milestone, my inner critics were quick to remind me that it wasn't enough or that I didn't truly deserve it. I didn't see the progress I was making — I only saw how far I felt I still had to go.
But once I started to apply FOCUS™, I began to acknowledge the small victories: the moments of growth, the days when I showed up despite fear, and the impact I was having on those around me. This shift didn’t happen overnight; it was a daily practice. Little by little, I learned to be as compassionate toward myself as I was toward others. And that self-appreciation transformed the way I approached every challenge.
I allowed myself to appreciate the hard work I’d put in to get to this point, to recognize my resilience in the face of challenges, and to acknowledge that I am worthy of my success. By validating my journey and my growth, I not only silenced my inner critics but also found a deeper, more sustaining confidence. And it's that confidence that allows me to FOCUS™ on what matters most.
Reflection for Voice Seekers: Think about a time when you didn’t give yourself the credit you deserved. How would things have been different if you had appreciated your efforts and given yourself grace?
The FOCUS™ Method: A Guide to Breaking Free
The FOCUS™ Method is more than just a way to set goals — it's a practice of self-empowerment. It stands for:
Fixed Mindset Shift — Shifting from self-doubt to self-belief.
Ongoing Concentration — Staying grounded in your own purpose.
Conscious Boundaries — Learning to say “no” with intention and love for yourself.
Unleashing Your Voice — Speaking up for what matters to you.
Self-Affirmation — Affirming your worth, regardless of others’ opinions.
To my fellow Voice Seekers, I encourage you to take back your voice, to FOCUS™ on your passions, and do it scared. Voice Seekers are those who actively seek to find, understand, and amplify their authentic voice. As part of this community, we’re here to break down barriers, silence imposter syndrome, and live life unapologetically — one voice at a time.
From People-Pleasing to Self-Empowerment: Join the Workshop
If you've ever found yourself trapped in the cycle of people-pleasing — putting everyone else’s needs before your own, silencing your voice, or questioning your worth — you're not alone. It’s a journey many of us share, and it’s a cycle we can break together.
That's why I'm hosting a workshop designed specifically for you: "From People-Pleasing to Self-Empowerment: Using the FOCUS™ Method to Break the Cycle."
In this workshop, we’ll:
Uncover the roots of people-pleasing and how it shows up in your life.
Identify and confront your inner critics — those voices that feed self-doubt.
Dive deep into the FOCUS™ Method as a framework to overcome people-pleasing habits.
Create actionable steps for you to silence those inner critics, set healthy boundaries, and embrace your authentic self.
This workshop is all about taking back your voice and setting you on a path toward self-empowerment and confidence.
Reserve Your Spot: From People-Pleasing to Self-Empowerment
Breaking Free: An Invitation to FOCUS™ on You
Are you ready to break free from the chains of imposter syndrome and people-pleasing? Are you ready to FOCUS™ on your voice and your own purpose? Join me on this journey. Let’s connect, reflect, and grow together.
Sign Up for the Workshop and Start Your Journey to Self-Empowerment\
Closing Thoughts
If any part of this story resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment, share your own experiences, or reach out if you’re ready to start your journey toward living authentically and unapologetically. Remember, the voice you silence today is the voice that will change your world tomorrow.
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